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 Things im not allowed to do at Hogwarts

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Vergil Sparda
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PostSubject: Things im not allowed to do at Hogwarts   Mon Aug 06, 2012 2:38 pm

Im not a huge fan of HP but i tolerate it, and its not that bad, but when i saw this i just couldnt resist reposting it!

Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms

I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.

"I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

- I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.

- Especially not with kazoos.

I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss

Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda

Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar

First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy

I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"

I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches

The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball

When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"

When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor

Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental

I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak

I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"

I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.

I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.

I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom

Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.

I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

"To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"

I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife

"Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.

I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.

It is a mad idea to tell Proffesor Mcgonagal that she takes herself too seriously

"Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell.

I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.

I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".

I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees".

No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures Class.

Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "An extra credit project for Herbology".

Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriate.

I will not go to class skyclad.

I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning Myrtle and eyeful".

Polishing my wand in the common room is accaptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.

House elves are not acceptable replacements for bludgers.

Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money- makeing concept.

I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

"Liften Separatis crotchum" is not a real spell.

I will not clain Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.

There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.

I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.

I will not place anything by Silve Ravenwolf on the library shelves.

Tricking a school house elf into stripping does not mean that they are now mine, even if I yell "Pwned!"

I am not a sloth Animagus.

I am not a tribble Animagus.

I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl.I am not allowed to have reiculated python, snow leopard, tasmanian devil, or pirahana.

I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

I will not lick Trevor.

I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what is the square root of -1 is.

The Ravenclaws are not "Mentats in training".

I will not change the password to the prefect's bath to "Make getting clean almost as much as getting dirty".

There is no such thing as an invisibility Thong.

Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as "Admiral Naismith".

Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.s.

I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord list to suspected Death Eaters.

I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.

I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".

I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

I will not teach the first-years to sing "A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob On The End".

If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.

I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

You are not allowed to slip a gold ring on your finger while simultaneously going through the barrier at platform 9 and 3/4 and vanishing from sight.

Toads are a bad idea to have on a train.

You are not allowed to bring a dementor costume for Halloween.

Under no circumstances are you allowed to refer to Voldemort as "Baldy".

-Even if he is.

You are not allowed to replace Voldemort's pet Nagini with a common garter snake.

It is a bad idea to challenge a Basilisk to a staring contest. You will lose.

You may not slap a saddle on a Hungarian Horntail's back, jump on, and yell "Giddyup, horsey!".

Living Shrouds are not cloaks.

You may not jump on the back of one of the carriage-pulling thestrals while there are people in the carriage and make the thestral fly.

Calling a centaur "Foaly" is probably not a good idea.

You are not allowed to propose to Lord Voldemort with the One Ring.

You are not to threaten Snape with shampoo.

You are not allowed to hang Mrs. Norris from the wall by her ankles with Filch's old torture instruments.

Do not confuse Aragorn, Eragon, and Aragog. Ever.

Pretending to cut off Nearly Headless Nick's head with the Sword of Gryfinndor will not amuse him.

Do not ask Professor Lupin why his wolf form has barely any fur.

Do not walk Gilderoy Lockhart up to a Basilisk and tell him: "Look it straight in the eyes and say 'Cheese'!"

Do not approach Professor Lupin with a leash.

Do not bring a Twilight vampire to visit Professor Lupin.

Do not sprinkle glitter on Draco Malfoy, dye his hair, and call him Edward.

Offering Nearly Headless Nick a platter of gourmey food will not amuse him.

Do not replace Professor McGonagall's plate of food at breakfast with a can of Fancy Feast.

Do not sell Mrs. O'Leary to Hagrid.

Do not give Grawp a pet guppy.

Saying "I think I 'taw a puddytat!" everytime you see Professor McGonagall is most certainly NOT a good idea.

You may not offer Albus Dumbledore one of Fred and George's Canary Clusters and tell him that it is a new kind of Lemon Drop.

Setting off fireworks in Professor Umbridge's office so that all the plates of sickeningly cute cats come crashing down is ALSO not a good idea.

You may not bring an albino rabbit to school and threaten people with "Don't make me sic the Killer Rabbit on you!"

--In fact, giving any pet to Grawp is not a good idea.

You may not tell all the first-years that the Grecian Underwold is below the school and that if they want proof, they can go see Cerberus, who lives on the third floor corridor.

You may not place yourself on a stairwell and block all the students, saying, "To cross the Bridge of Death, you must first answer me these questions three!" and then proceed to flip students off the stairwell if they answer a question wrong, such as "What...is your favorite color?!"

You may not sell Saphira to Hagrid or Ron's brother Charlie.

You are not allowed to give Peeves a suit of armor for Christmas.

-Nor are you allowed to give him gum.

Telling the Merpeople (in Mermish) that they look ugly is not a good idea.

You are not allowed to march around seventh-years with a jar of dirt, saying, "I got a jar o' diirrtt, I got a jar o' diirrtt..."

Calling Grawp Bigfoot generally isn't a good idea.

-Calling any giant Bigfoot REALLY isn't a good idea.

Charging the Whomping Willow with the Sword of Gryfinndor is not allowed.

Replacing Voldemort's wand with a trick wand from Fred and George's shop will not amuse him.

Offering Voldemort a colonial-era powdered wig (complete with ponytail) will not amuse him.

You may not train a flock of chickens to attack on command and tell anyone who'll listen that they are Tae-Kwan-Do-Does(Do-Dos? Anyway, a bunch of Do-Do birds together)

Repainting the school bright pink will amuse no one except Professor Umbridge.

Asking a centaur for a pony ride is only going to get you an arrow in your head.

You may not tell the first years that a hippogriff is part hippopotamus. It isn't true.

Giving Voldemort one of Willy Wonka's Hair Toffees for Christmas is not going to amuse him.

Giving Hermione a hair straightener for Christmas might amuse her, but it'll amuse you more.

Asking Draco Malfoy whether or not his mother is in love with herself is not going to amuse him, his father, OR his mother. (That's what narcissicm means--to be in love with yourself)

You're not allowed to invent Love Potion Number 9 and 1/2 during Potions.

I must not tell lies.

I must not feed Mrs. Norris poison.

-I must not feed Mrs. Norris Love Potion Number 9 and 1/2 (which I DID invent during Potions)

I must not tell first years that Voldemort roams the school at night and checks to make sure everyone is asleep and that if he finds anyone awake or out of bed, he kills them.

I must not introduce Voldemort to a phsyciatrist.

I must not turn the thestrals into My Little Ponies.

I must not paint Hogwarts bright pink.

I must not give Professor Lupin a Chihuahua for Christmas.

I must not introduce the entire Cullen family to Professor Lupin all at once.

I must not spill Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder during a Quidditch World Cup.

I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape

I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.

If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 10 minutes, I shall assume that I am not allowed to use it.

Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."

I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!

So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like. Dead.

Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret

Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July...

Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.

The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".

Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other house is forbidden.

There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man". Even if I do conjure him up.

Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.

The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
- Especially in reference to Dolores Umbridge.

I will not write "Wizard" on my hat in sequins.

I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"

I am not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "mini me."

Snape does not want bleach, laundry detergent, or new underwear for his birthday or Christmas.
- No combination of these is acceptable.

Murmuring “I see dead people… ” every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.

Yelling “to infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.

I should not remark that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” when Snape gets angry. Ever.

If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell “MORPHIN’ TIME!” every time I change.
- I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either.

I must not shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating.

I must not cast a Hornyness hex on my teachers
-No matter how hot they are
--If I do the above I must not serve detention with said teacher

I am not aloud to dress up as Naruto and call magic Chakra before cutting the Slytherins up with kitchen knives shouting 'MAY THE FOURTH GREAT SHINOBI WAR COMMENCE!'


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PostSubject: Re: Things im not allowed to do at Hogwarts   Sat Oct 13, 2012 11:10 am

If thats not a huge list i dont know what is lol


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Capn :D
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PostSubject: Re: Things im not allowed to do at Hogwarts   Sat Oct 13, 2012 12:33 pm

That hornyness hex one..

Made my day. XD
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PostSubject: Re: Things im not allowed to do at Hogwarts   Sat Oct 13, 2012 12:39 pm

You said it Capn


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PostSubject: Re: Things im not allowed to do at Hogwarts   Sat Oct 13, 2012 5:18 pm

dafuq
who has the time to type all of this
damn


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PostSubject: Re: Things im not allowed to do at Hogwarts   Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:03 pm

I know roght that must of taken forever! lol


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Vergil Sparda
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PostSubject: Re: Things im not allowed to do at Hogwarts   Sun Oct 14, 2012 11:47 am

lmao, actually, i already had it typed out on my computer so i just had to copy paste. And im glad it made ypur day capn, when my friends and i worked on this we couldnt stop laughing, i think it tokk us over an hour just to get the first 30 things because we couldnt stay focused.Razz


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